Everyone who has suffered narcissistic abuse knows what it is like to feel controlled, abused and manipulated by a narcissist.
I know that narcissists seem unstoppable – seeming to be like a terminator who is determined to rip your mind, emotions, resources and life apart.
It would appear – as so many people report – that they just don’t give up, and even if you leave they can still make your life hell for years to come.
Or, even if they do stop contacting you, it feels like this person continues living on inside you like a terrible psychic virus.
How do you stop them hurting you?
How do you escape the control, manipulation and abuse?
How do you get this person out of your system enough to be able to break free emotionally, mentally and spiritually so you can rebuild your life?
I hope that today’s article can guide you, and even lay out for you, the most effective path to achieve that.
The Psychological War
A narcissist’s most destructive weapon that they use against you is FEAR.
Having you in a state of angst, uncertainty and trepidation keeps you psychologically and psychically hooked to them.
Other negative emotions such as heartbreak, betrayal, resentment and despair are also powerful ways that an abuser can get you to keep your attention on them so they can drain your energy and keep you connected to control, manipulate and abuse you.
We may wonder, why on EARTH would they want to do that … even (in some cases) when they have moved on with someone else in their life.
The answer is simple, and it applies to all narcissists, it makes them feel important. It grants them the ego feed that buffers up their drastically insecure and empty Inner Self.
One can conclude that their Inner Self is so stunted that it is virtually non-existent and even “dead”. This means narcissists can’t generate, have and hold good, solid emotional feelings. They need outside “attention” (good or bad, it makes no difference) in order to feel okay and alive.
The narcissistic motto is: “If I can affect someone like this, it must mean that I exist and that I am significant.”
Now here is the kicker ….
The more YOU try to fight back, lecture, prescribe, please, beg, expose the narcissist, push back and try to get them to stop – the more it is feeding him or her the very attention (also known as narcissistic supply) that he or she craves.
With a non-narcissistic person your appeal to them to stop being nasty, or angry to get them to back off may work. This is not the case with a narcissist – this person doesn’t care about you, your life or your feelings. A properly functioning Inner Being is required to have those attributes.
Rather, you are a “tool” to feed their ego with.
The narcissist is tunnel-visioned, it is all about them and vitally securing all-important narcissistic supply to feed the never appeased ego with constantly required hits of significance.
Now you can understand that the harder you try to combat this, the worse it gets. Your negative energy powers up the narcissist like blood in the water does to a shark.
And here is the thing – no matter how you try to tackle the narcissist, be it from a place of heartbreak, resentment, pain and any other still existing emotional trauma – you will be shocked that whatever you are trying to DO doesn’t work.
Why?
Because the “bleeding out” of your highly charged emotional trauma is the energy that that narcissist is feeding off.
It can even be emotions without any contact – narcissists are psychic vampires. You don’t have to be physically connected for them to have their tentacles in you, and continue hurting you.
You probably know exactly what I mean – that feeling of black ink coursing through your veins and the terrible feeling like you have been vandalised, on the inside of you. Perversely it feels like the narcissist is still living on inside you and in your head.
You may feel sicker from this than anything previously in your life, and wonder how on earth you will ever get free from it.
Maybe it has been years, or even decades since you saw this person, and you still know, daily even, exactly what I am talking about.
How To Break The Connection
I hope that you are starting to get a feel for what I am going to share with you next …
You have to STOP feeding the shark.
You see the narcissist doesn’t have any REAL energy of his or her own. The narcissist is a non-existent Inner Self (where a real identity resides) and has created a fictitious self, a False Self character as the buffer for this.
This False Self seeks and requires energy frenetically. If someone isn’t granting it then the narcissist must let go and stop the harassment, manipulation and abuse, to find another source.
If you are already separated and still feel the ominous and terrible connection, the same applies – you will need to effectively cut the chords to be able to take your soul back.
Regardless of whether you are deeply practically enmeshed with a narcissist (such as with property, children etc.) or you haven’t seen this person for decades, the healing to regain your soul, sanity, mind, power and life is always the same.
Detach.
Let go.
Stop reacting to the disgusting things that narcissists do to try to incite you to hand over your emotional highly-charged painful energy.
If this becomes your greatest goal – then there are two extremely positive things that can come from this (no matter how bad things look and feel right now) …
1) You will start to cut off the narcissist’s energy source that they have been using against you, and
2) You will have the space to heal from the soul rape of narcissistic abuse that you have been through, to dissolve your trauma symptoms and come back better than ever – more confident, whole and capable of love and success than you ever were even before narcissistic abuse.
Such is the phenomenal power of Thriver Healing.
Really, going through narcissistic abuse is a make or break deal – you may crawl out with the ongoing suffering of being psychically vandalised and/or physically abused, or you can break fee into the abuse-free life that you were really born to live.
Resources That Can Help You
Maybe you have been in my community for a while, and have received guidance from my You Tube videos, blog articles and social media posts, yet have found yourself still coming back to follow my work over and over for hope, courage and answers.
The need to keep coming back means that you haven’t yet healed your trauma, but are trying to manage it.
I understand this, I used to do it too!
I would much rather that you heal for real, and never need my work again!
There is no substitute for the inner work that will durably free you from abuse symptoms like depression, anxiety, PTSD, disassociation, and other nasties such as adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia and agoraphobia, so that you Thrive instead of merely just survive.
With narcissistic abuse, you can go through it or grow through it.
You can dissolve or evolve.
It can leave you disintegrated or lead to your ultimate integration, of power, joy and truth.
To help you achieve these later gifts I would love to offer you the following resource …
My 16 Day Free Course which will grant you hope and healing and support, as well as invite you to my free webinar, to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself and know what it is to release and reprogram trauma, dissolving the negative energy that was previously feeding the narcissist and keeping you connected to them.
Sign up for the FREE 16 Day Recovery Course here.
I hope that this has helped you know you can detach, heal and Thrive – in ways and time frames that REALLY work!
As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions.
Read more: blog.melanietoniaevans.com
